Tonight at dusk, we will light forty-four luminaria at dusk to honor Joann.   I will tell Larissa that Mommy will be able to see them.   Then, we will trim our Christmas tree and place other holiday decorations.   I hope this becomes a tradition for us.   Joann especially enjoyed Christmas.   She gave much thought to her gift lists, and completed them well in advance.   She spent many Saturdays with Judy making cookies and gift baskets for the family.  

I want to offer special condolences to Judy, Janet, Ginny, Jon, and Jeff.   There will be always be a void in their Christmas celebrations.

This year, Larissa knows that Santa Claus will come down the chimney and bring presents for her.   She would like to get a puzzle and a book.

Larissa has spent the last year growing and learning.   Her vocabulary has expanded beyond my expectations, and her grasp of abstract concepts amazes me.   She has spent much time with Legos, books, puzzles, animals and dolls, and, recently, play dough.   We have continued the KinderMusic classes that Joann started with her, and we go to gymnastics once a week.

Larissa sometimes tells me that she misses Mommy.   She knows that Mommy was very sick and had to go away.

I miss not sharing directly with Joann the joy that Larissa brings to us.   It is wonderful to experience, and causes me to cherish always more the strength, determination, love, and faith with which Joann faced the "Great Abyss" to bring Larissa into the world and raise her for seventeen months.   I marvel at the constancy of her smile.  She was a courageous woman.

It is sometimes hard to maintain faith that Joann is watching, but I do think her spirit survives and surrounds us.

I am blessed with the responsibility for raising Larissa.   I try to do it in a way that Joann would mostly approve.   I want to acknowledge to Larissa that her losing Mommy is a great misfortune.   And I want her to know that she has received many blessings and talents.   I hope to always have high expectations for her, and I will always try to help her reach her goals and full potential.   Likewise, Larissa will have high expectations for me, and I will try to meet them.

A Song for Larissa

Twinkle, twinkle little star,
Mommy's watching from afar,
Guiding me through each day,
Keeping me from harm's way.
Twinkle, twinkle little star,
Daddy told me what you are.

A Message for Joann

I think of you often.

I miss you.

I love you.

Jim

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